The Sinful Scot (Saints & Scoundrels) Page 11

  “A rather nice way of describing the situation.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to bring up painful memories. I know how both he and your mother hurt you greatly with their behavior.”

  “It’s in the past, where it belongs.” His whole family had let him down, and if he was being honest, they’d hurt him deeply. Every single one of them. Although his father had since apologized for his reckless and rash behavior of falsely believing Alec was the product of his mother’s affair and not his son. And though Alec and his father had started to build a semi-relationship, it was still strained, and he suspected it always would be.

  Much like Connie’s own relationship with her mother, though in Alec’s opinion, her mother’s transgressions of not protecting her daughter when she could have were far worse. “Seems I’ve simply had more ill luck with both my parents hurting me, instead of you with just your mother.”

  “I suppose so,” she agreed. “Do you ever think of returning to Scotland permanently one day?”

  A long time ago, Alec had often asked himself that question, too, once believing he belonged in Scotland, with the pull of the rugged Highlands thrumming like a steady beat in his blood. “Not really,” he replied, unwilling to go into great detail about why that was not going to be in his future.

  “Don’t you miss them, though?” Connie asked. “I’m sure your brother and father miss you.”

  Alec couldn’t help the scoff that left his mouth. “None of us McGuiness men are very good in the company of others. Family especially, considering they can hurt one another the most. You of all people should understand that, especially with your mother.”

  From the corner of his eye, he saw a muscle in her jaw twitch as she nodded.

  “Is it sad that a part of me still misses her, even after what she did?” There was a slight catch in her throat. “That a part of me still holds the smallest hope that she will change, and perhaps show me that she loves me, even just a little bit? That she regrets leaving me here, even after I pleaded with her to help me… Pathetic, I know.”

  Alec felt like an out-and-out heel for even mentioning the woman. “It’s not pathetic at all. Sometimes even I…” He paused for a second, not certain he was ready to voice his thoughts about his own mother, but the forlorn expression on her face was tearing him in two, and he’d been the cause. “In truth, a part of me wishes my mother would contact me. At least to let me know she’s all right, and that perhaps she occasionally thinks about me, even after all these years.”

  Her eyes widened. “She’s never contacted you after running off to Italy?”

  “No,” Alec confirmed. As a twelve-year-old, he’d been unable to understand what he’d done to make her run away and leave him in England alone with his grandfather. He hadn’t understood what he’d done to make her stop loving him.

  It wasn’t until he was older that he fully understood she’d placed her own needs and wants above those of her child. That she’d fled to the continent with her lover and abandoned him, all to become an Italian countess. “Not once.”

  “We certainly drew the short straw for mothers, didn’t we?”

  “We did.” He cleared his throat and pointed up ahead. “That’s the inn we’ll be staying at. Just around the corner is a small stable yard where we can keep our horses.” He motioned to the street just past the inn. Hopefully Connie would get the message that he didn’t wish to discuss his family anymore, nor further open up the old wounds of his past. “We’ll leave our horses at the stable first and then walk around to the inn.”

  “Very well,” Connie said. “I must admit it will be nice to feel solid ground beneath my feet and have a respite from this uncomfortable saddle.”

  “Your derriere a bit sore again, is it?”

  She gasped and swiveled toward him. “Did you really just refer to that part of my anatomy?”

  “I did, duchess,” Alec replied, a wicked grin accompanying his words.

  “You’re outrageous, Alec McGuiness.” Connie shook her head, and he was certain she was trying to suppress her own smile. “Simply outrageous.”

  “What can I say?” He shrugged. “I’m a doctor. I deal with anatomy all the time.” It felt good to tease a smile from her. She used to smile such a lot, but he noticed she rarely did now. Not that there was much to smile over in their current predicament.

  They dismounted, and in short order Alec had arranged for the stable to house the animals for the time being. Then they both began to walk around to the inn.

  “How long do you think we’ll be here in Inverness?” Connie asked him, her boots barely making a sound on the cobblestone walkway.

  Alec felt like a big clunking oaf next to her, she was so petite. “Hopefully not long. As soon as we find anything to exonerate you, I think you should head to London, and I will stay and ensure the authorities are appraised of everything.”

  They stopped just outside the front entrance to the inn, and for some reason Alec felt a slight wave of apprehension crawl up his spine. He glanced around, but everyone appeared to be going about their business, with none overly interested in Connie or him.

  “Is everything all right?” Connie asked, placing her hand upon his arm.

  He looked down at her hand, marveling over how delicate it appeared. Her whole appearance hid her underlying strength. An inner strength he didn’t think she even knew she possessed. He dropped his eyes down to hers, and for a moment he was speechless. The blue of her eyes was like a shimmering ocean, beckoning to him, and in that instant, he knew he could lose himself in her gaze. Alec cleared his throat and dragged his eyes away from hers. He had to keep an emotional distance, as he couldn’t practically keep a physical one from her.

  “Everything is fine,” he answered, placing a hand on the door. “However, before we go in, I must warn you: I shall be saying we’re married.”

  “You will?” she almost spluttered.

  “Yes,” he confirmed. “Which means we will have to share a room.”

  “What?” She sounded like she was choking on the words and, combined with the expression of horror on her face, it cut down his ego markedly. “Pretending to be married? And sharing a room? That’s a terrible idea.”

  Always nice to know what she really thought about the idea of being married to him.

  Not that such a thing was ever in the realm of possibility, and of course she was horrified at the suggestion. She was, after all, a duchess, and though he was the younger son of an earl, he was without a title or a grand inheritance and actually worked for a living. The two of them marrying was ridiculous, let alone something she would ever want to have happen or be happy with.

  Just like Elise, and just like his mother. Both had abandoned him for a title and wealth. And Connie would be no different. Even if she likely had chased a title only for her mother’s approval, she’d still lived a life as an earl’s daughter and then a duchess. There was no way she would settle for anything less. No woman would.

  A black mood settled over him. He didn’t know why he was letting it affect him so, but it was. He suspected it was because a part of him was starting to care deeply for Connie, more than he ever had before, which scared the hell out of him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Her heart felt like it was galloping in a derby. Had Connie heard him correctly? They were going to pretend to be married and share a room? She’d never shared a room with anyone before, not even Duncan. The very idea was too intimate, too embarrassing, too everything…especially with Alec.

  She could barely keep herself from blushing in his presence as it was. How would she stop herself from doing something stupid when they were sharing a room together?

  Alec didn’t seem thrilled by the prospect of sharing a room with her, either, if the dark frown etched across his face was any indication. How the man could still look so devastatingly han
dsome while frowning was a mystery to Connie. But he did.

  “Even as a married couple, surely we could still have separate rooms?” she was quick to point out, hoping to convince him. “Even Duncan and I didn’t share a room when we traveled. Not that we ever traveled often together, but still…”

  “It’s a little different in this part of the world, duchess,” Alec said, pushing open the door and stepping into the entrance hall. “In this part of town people marry because they want to be together, not simply for titles and status.”

  Connie felt his words slice into her, swift and sharp. Alec obviously must think of her as nothing more than a title-hungry jezebel. And that knowledge was devastating. Partly because there was truth to it, as that is exactly what she had been.

  Shame flooded through her. Just knowing that was what Alec thought of her cut her to the quick more than one of Duncan’s physical beatings ever had.

  Why it should matter what Alec thought of her was a question she didn’t know the answer to. She just knew that his opinion mattered—a lot.

  “Damn it, I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his already windblown hair. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

  Slowly she nodded, though she was unconvinced. Alec was normally very to the point, and she had no doubt he was just trying to be kind to her now in making such a qualification to his earlier comment.

  “It’s fine. I understand.” And she did. How could she not, when that was exactly what she’d done. But she didn’t want him to know he had the power to affect her. Duncan had known, and he’d abused it. And though Connie knew Alec would never do so, she was still wary.

  “All I meant,” Alec continued, “was to have separate rooms would invite comment and draw attention to us. Which is certainly the last thing we need at the moment.”

  “You’re right, of course.”

  They stood facing each other for a few seconds, Connie proudly staring him in the eyes, determined to project an air of nonchalance. It must have worked, because Alec nodded before turning back and striding farther down the hall toward the reception.

  She took in a deep breath and collected herself, ensuring her emotions were firmly in check, before she swept the skirts of her riding habit up and stepped through the doorway to follow him inside.

  A few minutes later, the manager of the inn was unlocking the door to their shared room on the first floor and was showing them inside. The man had been a little surprised that they hadn’t had any luggage with them, but a few bank notes placed strategically in his palm by Alec had swiftly put any questions to rest.

  The room itself was simple but clean, with a double bed against the wall on the left side of the room and a small desk and chair underneath the window. Trying very hard to not look at the narrow size of the bed, Connie wandered over to the window and glanced out the glass pane, down to the street below.

  She had to do something to distract her wayward thoughts, as she was starting to get all flushed even just thinking about sharing a bed with Alec. But anyone in her position would surely be uncomfortable with the thought of doing so. After all, she’d never shared a bed with a man—apart from waking up next to her dead husband the other morning.

  Previous to that, Duncan had always been quick to leave her room after he finished with her, a fact she’d regularly been thankful for. But she suspected that she wouldn’t be praying for Alec to leave her bed anytime soon.

  Oh goodness, she was a wanton. How could she even be thinking such sinful thoughts with everything that had happened?

  The door slammed shut and Connie jumped. She spun around to see Alec standing at the doorway, the innkeeper gone. His whole body seemed to be braced and coiled tight, as if he was extremely tense about being in such small confines with her, too. And he was thrumming the fingers of his right hand across his upper thigh. Almost like he was nervous or uncomfortable. But that was ridiculous. She’d never seen Alec nervous before, and she couldn’t imagine what he’d be nervous over, in any event. More often than not, he was annoyed with her, so she imagined the idea of sharing a room with her would frustrate him greatly.

  Opening the window, Connie breathed in the air. It wasn’t as clean as in the country, but at least it was chill and fresh. And it was helping to calm her suddenly heated skin. She could hear Alec’s booted footsteps cross the wooden flooring, and then she could almost feel the heat radiating from him as he came to stand behind her.

  She gulped and didn’t want to turn to face him, certain if she did he’d see how the very idea of sharing a bed with him was affecting her. Not that they’d actually be sharing a bed. Alec was too noble to compromise her, even if she was a widow and could technically be compromised without any issue.

  But Alec being Alec, he would most likely offer to sleep on top of the covers, or possibly even on the floor.

  The thought was disappointing.

  “We should get going.” His deep voice was but a breath away from her ear.

  Slowly, she turned around and had to crane her neck up to meet his gaze. “Yes, I suppose we should.”

  Neither of them moved.

  And Connie imagined that she could hear her heart thudding in the silence. Could Alec hear it too? Her lips suddenly felt altogether too dry, and every inch of her skin was prickling in awareness. The smell of his sandalwood cologne filled her senses, and all she could breathe in was Alec.

  She licked her lips, and a flare of what she thought was desire flashed in his eyes as they were drawn to her mouth.

  He was breathing heavily, too, and her chest rose in response. A part of her was almost willing her body closer to his, wanting to know what it felt like to press her chest against his own. But her fear was holding her back. Her mind knew Alec would never hurt her, but a part of her was scared to get closer. Especially as she was reacting so physically to him, like she was drawn to him, regardless of whether she wanted to be or not. So she held herself back. She had to.

  The energy between them suddenly felt like it would combust, and she didn’t think she was ready for that.

  She said nothing as they both just stood there, facing each other, neither daring to move an inch.

  Never had she felt such raw need flow through her, almost pushing aside the fear still residing within.

  Abruptly, he stepped backward, and suddenly Connie could breathe again, albeit not very well. It felt like she’d run for hours upon hours in a race without ever having reached the finish line.

  Frustration coiled through her, and as her fear dissipated, she was almost tempted to reach out and pull him back toward her. To actually see what it felt like to be kissed properly by Alec McGuiness, as she’d once dreamed of as a young girl. To feel the rough stubble of his chin rub against the smoothness of her own, as his lips melded with hers, his tongue slowly flicking in and out of her mouth.

  “I, um, need to go to the telegraph office,” he said, his voice gruffer than usual. “Why don’t you stay here and relax for a bit? I won’t be more than ten minutes. And then we can go and visit the apothecary.”

  “Yes, that’s fine,” Connie replied, both relieved and disappointed.

  “Lock the door behind me.” He inclined his head before pulling open the door and leaving.

  Connie sighed as she walked over and latched the bolt on the door. Good Lord. She’d very nearly kissed him. Thank goodness she’d refrained, because doing so would have created far more awkwardness than she could handle right now.

  She wandered back over to the window and peeked out. Sure enough, a moment later Alec emerged, his stride purposeful as he began to walk down the street to where she assumed the telegraph office was. Connie couldn’t help but sigh in appreciation. The man was a prime specimen, with his broad shoulders and tall frame. No wonder she’d been overcome by unadulterated desire. Any woman would be, in such close confines to him.

  Alec stopped
only a few yards away and turned back to face the inn. His eyes locked on her, and she felt mortification flood through her. She spun away from the window and pressed her back against the wall. Oh, Good Lord, he’d just caught her ogling him. How would she face him again without a permanent blush staining her cheeks?

  Dragging herself to the bed, she collapsed on top of it and groaned. How was she going to get through the next few hours with him, let alone sharing this very bed? It was going to be one trying night.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The bell above the wooden door tinkled melodiously as they walked through the shop entrance of the King Street Apothecary. It seemed they were the only customers, and there wasn’t another soul around, not even a shop assistant.

  Alec had returned to the inn a short time ago with the frightful news that Fergus was aware she had escaped and was traveling to Inverness. Which meant the authorities may well be looking for her, if Fergus had told them. Though he may not have, especially if his intentions were menacing.

  Which was why they needed to find answers, and find them as soon as possible and, fingers crossed, this very establishment might provide some. At least she hoped it would.

  As Connie glanced around the apothecary, the scent of freshly polished wood mingled with the aroma of a variety of herbs and tinctures that were lined up around the room. It wasn’t unpleasant, though it did remind her of the smell that had greeted her every time she’d visited her father in his sickroom when she was younger. In the months before his death, his room had been constantly filled with one herbal remedy or another, as his doctors kept trying anything and everything to prolong his life.

  It had worked for a little bit, too. Enough to allow him to attend her wedding.

  The thought that he’d died thinking his little girl was happy as a duchess had sometimes been enough to get her through the harder days with Duncan. Though she shuddered to think what her father would have thought if he’d ever found out how Duncan had actually treated her. In a small way, she was glad he’d died without such knowledge.